Self Doubt

I have always been a type of person that figure things out for myself kind of a  no regret mind set. I decided that with my ability and hard-work I would strongly considered playing professional basketball at least give it a shot. I have put so much money and time that now that I am in the profession I am depress I miss my family miss the people close to me and the particular town I am in is like a ghost town so there isn't much to do here. I have tried to make the best of my stay, everyday try to find the positive try to stay on a routine. Even talking to my family makes me more depress before I thought it was a phase I would get over but it isn't. You dream of the way you want things you in vision them in your mind   and you never stop and thank what if? and I never got pass the hard-work or the possibility that this may not be for me.I let a smoke cloud blur my vision of the reality that it takes a lot of strength and courage to be able to play overseas to live in a foreign country period. I am rambling but I just need to get some of my thoughts down just some raw thoughts of how my mind and feelings are all over the place. Somehow I feel this is part of my growth but on the other hand I hate it at the same time.